unsure and a hundred (слэш)

He felt like he’d been falling and falling for days, waiting to either hit the ground in a huge mess, or for Loki to appear. And even then, he didn’t know if Loki would catch him, or watch him falling, and laugh, and the fear that someone had that power over him was scary. It’d probably be better if Loki did watch him fall, and if he managed to pick himself up and clean up his own mess. He’d told himself that he wouldn’t care, either way, once he’d given the opportunity, but he knew that what was best and what he wanted were two different things.